It's my birthday today! The big 4-8!  And in honour of it, I wanted to share FORTY-EIGHT beautiful lessons I've learned.

Here is the catch - I wrote this list in 2011. Almost 13 years ago, at the age of 35.

I wrote it for my then blog, In Life and In Fashion. 

Amazingly, I found the header for my blog in my files.

When I unearthed this just yesterday, I smiled a huge smile. Wow, it has been at least that long that I have been a student (and teacher!) of living a beautiful life. 

When I started my blog, I had just moved back to Toronto from San Francisco after my husband had gotten very ill. I was overwhelmed by what was happening at home, traumatized by the events of the previous years (abruptly leaving my dream job and house in San Francisco), and in a job that I was eager to get out of.

 My blog was my escape, my refuge. I'd compose whole posts in my head on the commute to and from the office and wake up before work to write them. Writing about how to live a life with style, grace, and a fiery soul even in the face of so much difficulty became my passion.

 These 48 lessons are from a piece I wrote back then called, The In Life & In Fashion - A Guide to living with Style, Grace and Spirit. 

I hope you enjoy! 

1. Find something you love to do and devote time to it without expecting

a result. Seth Godin writes in his book Linchpin, that the only way to produce real art is to devote dedicated uninterrupted time to it and to produce it as a gift to the world rather than expecting something in return. Choose something you are passionate about and devote dedicated time to perfecting your craft. Do it because it will fulfill you and bring you happiness.

 

2. Know that you always have a choice. When you catch yourself complaining about something, remember: CLA. Change it, leave it, or accept it. In any given situation in life, we have a choice to make a change, leave the situation (if we can), or accept it as is. If we can evaluate any challenges that way we take back control and we get to choose.
 

3. Write in a journal. Writing in a journal is a way to clarify thoughts, express emotion, and ask questions. Robin Sharma advocates writing in a journal regularly to have one-on-one conversations with yourself. He believes the process allows you to reflect on the state of your life and the progress of your dreams. For me, writing in a journal is a way to reflect on the challenges and goals I have in my life from a different perspective. Obsessing too much about your life can get anyone into trouble. Writing is a way to get those thoughts examined on paper and out of your head. 
 

4. Give yourself time to feel bad. Sometimes you just feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Rather than beat yourself up about it, why not just let yourself feel it? Give yourself an hour, an afternoon, or a full day to wallow in your negative feelings. But when you are ready, move on and do something positive. Meet a friend, go for a walk, or watch a funny movie. I can’t tell you how much this strategy has helped me. It is a surefire way to build resilience, which is a key happiness factor in life.

 

5. Pretend you are the lead actor in a fun movie with a happy ending.  When you are going through a tough time it can help to visualize the happy ending.  Just as good times don’t last forever, neither do bad times.  Visualize yourself as the heroine in a movie going through the sad, down-and-out part when the best part (with the bright sunshine and upbeat music) is just around the corner.  And remember that this too, shall pass.

 

6. Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.  One of the easiest ways to focus on what you don’t have is to compare yourself to others.  What we don’t realize is that everyone is dealing with his or her issues.  Just because someone has a beautiful house and a high-paying job doesn’t mean they are happy or fulfilled.  Be grateful for all that you have, visualize what you want, and start taking steps towards achieving that. 

 

7. Give yourself “me time” when you need it.  Sometimes weeks can go by without having a moment to yourself.  When you feel frazzled, overwhelmed, or uptight think about taking some time for yourself.  Take a day or an afternoon off of work and plan a perfect day just for you.  No errands or family commitments allowed. 

 

8. Cultivate and nurture your friendships.  If you are lucky, your friends are like your extended family.  Invest time into your friendships.  Make time: book a dinner, an early morning breakfast before work, or a quick coffee on your way home at the end of the day.  Give some of yourself away – you will get even more back.

 

9. Walk a lot. Walking serves so many purposes.  It is the easiest form of exercise, it gets you from point A to point B, it allows you to explore in a way you can never do my car or even bike, and it is a great way to keep it real.  We are all just humans walking the planet.  When you are feeling stuck, frustrated, lost, or overwhelmed, go for a walk.  It is easy, accessible, and effective.

 

10. Learn to do things on your own.  Learn to do a few basic things on your own – hang a picture, put together IKEA furniture, paint a wall, repair a leaky faucet, etc.  Yes, you can outsource or ask your friend/husband/dad to help, but there is something to be said for holding your own so you don’t HAVE to depend on anyone.  So empowering!

 

11. No one will take care of you better than you.  When you feel helpless or unsure, by all means, ask for help from those you trust.  It is important not to feel alone and to create a support system around you.  But know that in the end, you are the only one who knows what is best for you and can make that choice.  Trust yourself to make it.

 

12. Spend as little time as possible with negative people.  Negative people are toxic to your outlook and attitude.  Avoid them at all costs.  If certain family members are overly negative, try to address it with them but don’t expect them to change.  If they continue to be negative, limit the amount of time you spend with them.  When you are with them, avoid getting pulled into negative conversations.  If you have overly negative friends, ditch them right away!  There are no family bonds to keep you connected.

 

13. Eat cookies.  Or whatever little treats delight your fancy.  Life is short!  Eat the things you love!  Savour them and never take them for granted.

 

14. Get up early. I love that time in the early morning when the city is quiet, and it is the beginning of a brand new day.  I like to make myself coffee and either read, write or just sit a little while and enjoy the peace and stillness.  Follow this with exercise and a healthy breakfast and you’ve accomplished more before 9 am than most do in a day! 

 

15. Just ask!  You never know, the answer could be yes!  And really, what do you have to lose? 

 

16. Keep a notebook and pen with you at all times.  Jot down all of your flashes of insight and ideas.  You never know where they may lead...a brilliant business idea, a storyline for a great novel, or a delicious recipe.

 

17. Read inspiring books.  Books have helped me through more hard times than any person.  I think the reason is they can help you to find answers within you through your thoughts, perspectives, and interpretations.  They have helped me to find strength within which is the most powerful help you can receive.  

 

18. Become an expert list-maker.  When used wisely, list-making can organize your thoughts, allowing you to tackle a project, plan a day, or put together a shopping list. However, if used recklessly, a list can cause feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. Here are some tips to make the best lists: 

1. Keep it short: You should only have a maximum of 3-5 items to accomplish per day. If necessary, use a small notepad or piece of paper to keep you from writing a list as long as a maxi dress. If you need help whittling it down to 3-5, ask yourself, If I could only accomplish three things today, what should they be?

2. Focus on the goal, not the task: This tip will help you keep your list short. If you just list what your goals are for that day, and not the hundreds of minute tasks associated with them, you will be more likely to complete all the items on your list rather than just get partway there.

3. Focus on one item at a time: The days of multi-tasking being hailed as a desired skill are long over. Focus on one goal at a time and you will not only complete it and check it off your list, you will complete it well and feel a true sense of accomplishment. This requires some discipline but is well worth it.

 

19. If you are going through a difficult time, know that it will pass.  Read it again.  Write it down.  Repeat it to the person next to you.  Etch it in your mind.  It is a very comforting thought in tough times!  

 

20. Tell people you love them often. Write a note, make a phone call, or send an email.  Don’t be embarrassed to reach out even if it has been years since you’ve connected.  Friends and family are life’s greatest comfort, n’est ce pas?

 

21. Forget perfection, pursue progress.  If we all waited for perfection we would be paralyzed, unable to move forward (I would never cook again!).  Start with the smallest of steps and keep going…don’t ever stop!

 

22. Treat yourself like a VIP.  A VIP gets up early to exercise because they need to be in prime condition.  A VIP eats healthy and nourishing food throughout the day because they need to perform at their peak.  A VIP has a gorgeous wardrobe that expresses their unique personality.  Why not think of yourself as a VIP?  Aren’t you?

 

23. Write your own manifesto.  Take some time to think about the guiding principles and philosophies by which you live your life or wish to live your life.  Life goes fast but it is filled with learning experiences.  Why not study your own life experiences and note down your learnings?  Reading them over will remind you that you are much wiser than you think.  It will also force you to look at your life experiences through a different lens ie. Instead of thank god that’s over, what did I learn from that?  

 

24. Walk through as many open doors as possible.  Don’t turn down opportunities to meet new people, evaluate a job opportunity because you never know how things can work out.  The universe can only help you if you are helping yourself!

 

25. Make Smarter Decisions.  We are in an age where we are privileged to have endless options.  We can do anything, be anyone, and go anywhere we want.  Yet research shows that having too many options decreases our level of happiness because 1) we have a more difficult time making decisions and 2) when we do make a decision we end up second-guessing every choice we make.

1. Determine your own set of criteria. Take time to determine what is important to you in making a decision.  If you are looking for a new career, first consider what is most important to you whether it be salary, a flexible schedule, or proximity to home.  Then use your criteria to direct your research.

2. Don't let fear become the deciding factor. It is easy to rule out options because of fear.  Yet, often if you fear something it is because it secretly excites you.  Try to understand what you are afraid of before you rule something out.  It could actually be a signal that you are headed in the right direction.

3. Trust your intuition. Sometimes you just know what is the right decision without having concrete reasons why.  Trust your instincts - it is your subconscious guiding you in the right direction!  Instincts pull as much weight (or more) as rational decision criteria on paper.

4. Finally, Choose. Any decisions you make will lead to experiences you will learn from.  But if you don't choose, everything stays the same or changes around you and leaves you behind.  Choose and then commit to your decision wholeheartedly, so if it doesn't work out, you will never feel it wasn't for lack of effort.

 

26. Be charming and delightful.  Charm is a wonderful thing.  It can get you a better table at a restaurant, a life-changing introduction that might have otherwise passed you by, or a job.  It can also lead to stronger connections and wonderful friendships.  Here are some easy tips:

1. Make Eye Contact: If you really look someone in the eye, you instantly feel a human connection.  There are times when I purposely avoid eye contact, but if you are looking to make a connection with someone, don't skip this!

2. Smile from your heart: Most of us are pre-wired to smile on introduction so it is often instant and requires no thought.  But if you look someone in the eye and then smile from your heart, you show them a piece of you.

3. Find a common connection: The best way to almost instantly connect with another human being is to find something in common.  Perhaps you both love sushi, or Jersey Shore (which I will NEVER understand!), or tennis.  Find that connection and you are well on your way.
    

27. Celebrate your birthday in style.  Ever since I was a child, I have woken up on my birthday feeling good and that feeling has never gone away.  It is the one day a year to celebrate YOU.  Why should you downplay that?  You are SO worth it!  Here are a few tips for making the most of your birthday.

1. Eat what you want.  Don't hold back.  Pain au chocolat, french bread, manchego cheese and crabcakes.  Whatever your heart desires!

2. Buy a birthday dress. Remember when you were young and your mom would buy you a new dress to wear to your birthday party?   What a wonderful memory.  Why not treat yourself to a dress every birthday?

3. Make plans for your new year. Why share New Year's Day with everyone else?  This New Year’s Day is just for you!  Make plans for what you would like to do or be in this year of your life.

 

28. Abide by the cost-per-wear principle.  Always remember this tool while shopping.

Cost per Wear = Price of Clothing Item ÷ Number of times you expect to wear an item

The cost-per-wear equation will prevent you from making silly impulse purchases that result in cheap fashion in your closet that you never wear. 

• It will force you to consider how often you will really wear something and whether it complements other items in your wardrobe BEFORE you buy it.

• You will build a wardrobe filled with pieces you truly love

• You will collect pieces that you value and will define your style for years to come

 

29. Take good care of your skin.  Invest in great products that are as natural as possible.   Avoid parabens and sulfates at all costs.  Give yourself regular facials.  Moisturize like crazy.  Wash your face before bed.  Eat lots of fruits and veggies.  Drink lots of water.  Enjoy the sun in small doses.  Once in a while, see an esthetician for expert advice on how to care best for your skin.  

 

30. Make a Most-Coveted List.  To help define your style, make a list of the fashion items you most covet.  Perhaps it’s a Chloe bag, Rag & Bone booties or a sweet Mackage leather jacket (Note from 2024 Kena: Ha! This is what was hot in 2011!).  Now save up for this item, old-school style.  Sock away change, money you didn’t spend on a $5 latte until you work up to owning this piece without maxing out your credit card.

 

31.  Clean out your closet regularly.  It shows respect for the things you own, allows you to get more wear out of what you love and creates order and calm in your life.  Remember the rule: if you haven’t worn it in a year, you are unlikely to ever wear it again (Unless it is a brown suede coat that your mom had custom made in the 70’s.  Some things are worth keeping forever!)

 

32.  Invest in a great coat, bag, boot and jeans.  Even if the rest of your wardrobe is cheap chic, these pieces will always elevate your look.

 

33.  Wear comfortable shoes.  Life is too short to walk around in uncomfortable shoes.  I’m all for beautiful heels but I have to be able to walk in them.   I am on a permanent quest for sexy, beautiful AND comfortable shoes. You have places to go and things to do…you can’t be hobbling around!  

 

34. Shop local and small.  Explore and frequent your neighbourhood shops.  It is great to support local businesses and build ties in your community.  You will also find quality, unique products you would never find at the mall!
 

35. Never neglect your eyebrows.  They shape and frame your face and go further than any make up you could wear.  Get them threaded or waxed regularly and tweeze carefully (and with restraint) in between appointments.  To really make your eyes pop, always curl your eyelashes.
 

36. Create handbag heaven.  A perfectly organized handbag contains everything you need within easy access and is clean.  Here is how to get there:

• Completely empty your handbag.

• Carefully edit out what you don't need (be honest with yourself!).

• Add what you need.  My essentials list includes: cell phone, keys, sunglasses, wallet, small notebook, pen, handcream, lipgloss, compact, hair elastic, ibuprofen.

• Now constantly edit.  Don't take receipts from stores when you know you don't need them (eg. when you buy a bunch of bananas).  If you do get a receipt, find somewhere to toss it immediately.  When you put a new lip product in, take the old one out.  Never, ever put a half eaten chocolate bar or cookie in your bag unless it is tightly sealed (maybe this one is just for me).  And finally, once a week, rifle through your bag to make sure you aren't inadvertently storing half your lunch in there!

37.  Shop your own closet.  Your closet can be a treasure trove of great pieces if you take the time to look at it in a new light.  

 

38.  Know how to do a five-minute face.  Every woman who wants to put her best foot (and face!) forward must have her own five-minute make-up routine.  The ideal routine highlights your best features, and gives you a polished, never over-done look.   Work with a make-up artist to develop what works for you. 
 

39. Transition from day to evening.  Even if you are just meeting a friend for dinner après 9-5 take a little time to transition from day to evening.  Spritz your face with mineral water or a natural toner.  Pat a little moisturizer lightly over your face if your skin tends to dry out during the day.  Apply a darker shade of lipstick. Layer a shimmery blush to your cheek and brow bones.  Add some jewelry.  Finally, dab on your favourite scent.  You will both look and feel fresh and lovely.

 

40.  Travel in style.  Although I'm not a big fan of flying, I do love the airport people-watching, hours of free time to peruse my favourite magazines, and an excuse to indulge in some chocolatey goodness along with a big bottle of water.   As long as I'm prepared with my in-flight must have's, I am able to enjoy the travel almost as much as the destination.

• Rich, paraben free lib balm

• Delicious organic and fair-trade dark chocolate

• Beautiful and cozy scarf that will keep me warm and look chic

• Favourite fashion magazine

• Organic and paraben-free rich handcream

• Lightweight tote that zips closed

41.  It is never too late to return to the game.  Mario Lemieux (yes, the hockey player) returned to hockey after three and half years away and scored a goal in his first game back.  What if Lemieux had decided that three and half years was way too long and decided to retire after that?  What if he had just cut his losses?  Given up and decided he just couldn't do it?  The bottom line is it is never too late to make your comeback and return to the game.

 

42.  Have a few fool-proof recipes in your repertoire.  I am not much of a cook, but I do enjoy the order and discipline of baking and have made a few great cakes and cookie recipes that I have gone back to on more than one occasion.  Experiment and find what suits you.  It is nice to be able to serve or give something homemade to friends and family. 

 

43.  A place for everything (and everything in its place).  Make your space work for you.  Evaluate each area of your home for ways to make it more functional for your life.  Set up systems that allow you to keep high traffic areas in your home clear.  In the bathroom the items you use everyday should be within easy reach.  Your entry should have a space for mail and your keys.  Take a minute to walk through your home to evaluate how you could better set it up to work for you.

 

44.  Make conscious purchases.  How often do you think about where the things you buy came from?  Do you consider who made them, what resources were used, where those resources came from or how the workers were treated?  We lead busy lives and out of necessity purchases are often made based on price and convenience.  Perhaps it is time that we start to make more conscious, rather than mindless, purchases.  Start by choosing local, organic, fair trade, recycled, recyclable, functional, timeless for a start.  And make a pact to yourself: No more junk.   

 

45.  Value all the things in your life.  Looking for an easy way to spend less?  Appreciate and value all the things in your life.  We tend to only appreciate what is new in our lives…the new TV, the new cashmere sweater, the new SUV.  What about the three-year-old jeans that still make your butt look amazing?  Or the jade bracelet you stole from your mom that feels so cool and smooth on your skin and brings you luck?  When shopping from your own closet or hanging out at home, take time to appreciate all the wonderful things you already have in your life.

 

46. Surround yourself with beautiful things.  Only keep items in your home that you deem either useful or beautiful.  Only things that you are drawn to or bring you pleasure when you see them deserve a place in your home.  Look around and edit regularly. 

 

47.  Shop smart and strategically every season.  It is very easy to get caught up with new fashion trends and shiny stores pushing you to buy everything from carrot pants to xxx.  Prior to each season, review your wardrobe and think about what pieces leverage what you already have and will update your look for the season.  Go an extra step and approximate how much you are willing to spend on each of these items.  Now add it up.  The result is SMART spending!

 

48.  The more you smile the happier you will be.  So simple and so true.

 

As I read over this list I definitely noticed some things I would now replace with more recent and relevant insights. But I was also amazed by how much still rings through today. 

 

I would love to know - which of the 48 resonated with you the most?

 

With so much love,

Kena ❤️
Kena Paranjape, Founder, All You Are