How to Harness Healthy Anger
On Friday after I dropped my daughter Nova off at school, I walked home, checking my emails on the way. I finally had a day without meetings and errands to run and was looking forward to a productive, focused work day.
One email immediately caught my eye. My internet service provider had asked me for some old equipment back and I had responded, saying I had it and wondered when they were going to come and get it as I was close to throwing it out. They responded that the case was now with a collections agency so I had better react promptly and send it back.
Wait, what? Collections? My blood started to boil. I hadn’t received one call or email to get this equipment back and now it was with a collections agency? And on top of that they wanted me to pack it all up and ship it back.
No way.
I quickly called their customer service and spoke very firmly and assertively to the gentleman on the phone.
“This equipment was supposed to have been picked up by the guy who set up internet in my new place. He did not follow through. That does not make it my responsibility to send it back.”
“Ma’am, please. I will send you a mailing label.”
“No, I’m not doing it.”
Silence.
“Ma’am…..please”
“Can I speak to your manager?”
After about a seven minute wait, the agent comes back on the call with a more chipper tone. He tells me I don’t have to send the equipment back, that they have fully credited my account and of course, that it is no longer with collections. He apologizes for the trouble, I thank him politely and all is well.
I share this somewhat mundane story because I know that it was my anger that propelled me to push back so hard. Normally I would have gotten frustrated, lamented the situation but would have acquiesced. I would have responded, not reacted (I pride myself on my ability to do that!) and grumbled while I found a box and traipsed to the post office to drop it off.
But on this day, my anger was the most constructive, productive feeling to work with. My anger got the job done.
In our society today, anger has gotten a bad rap and for good reason. When anger is suppressed or allowed to fester, it escalates and can become extremely destructive.
But there is a case for healthy anger.
Anger can give us courage to speak up. It can cause us to stand up for something or someone. It can propell us forward. It can be the catalyst to finally do what we've been putting off for too long.
I invite you this week to notice what makes you angry. Are there bounadaries you need to uphold? Are there behaviours you need to stop accepting or allowing?
What about self-directed anger? Before we can turn anger towards ourselves to compassion we need to understand the source. Are we not keeping commitments we've made to ourselves? Are we falling into old habits?
... never feeling anger might be just as unhealthy as experiencing excessive anger. A healthy level of anger means that we have a sense of right and wrong, that we know when we are being treated unfairly, and that we are willing to stand up for ourselves when we experience injustice. When channeled in a healthy and productive way, anger can help us to overcome barriers to our success and well-being.
- Thomas Westover, Anger Management
In my group program, we talk about how one of the most productive things we can do is to feel our feelings. If we don't feel them and process them, we only push them down to deal with another day. Instead, why not deal with them right now?
Would you like to join the powerful conversations we have within Be All You Are, my 12-week group program for women? The next group starts very soon! Send me an email with the word POWERFUL at kena@allyouare.ca and I’ll reach out to share more. If it feels like it could be the right fit, we’ll book a 20 minute call.
Wishing you an amazing week!
With love,
Kena xo
Kena Paranjape, Founder, All You Are