Let Go of Labels that Don't Serves You

Last weekend, I attended Changemaker, a beautiful event hosted by my friend Gio Marsico. I took a million notes and no doubt I’ll be sharing some of my reflections over the coming months, but I wanted to share what came up after listening to one of my absolute favourites, Danielle Laporte. 

Danielle began her talk by asking us to reflect on the labels we assign to ourselves, beyond the usual roles we all play (wife, mother, daughter, etc).

Here are some examples of labels we might use to describe ourselves:

• Widow

• Introvert/extrovert

• Single mom

• Divorcee

• Stay at home mother

• Cancer survivor

• Learning disabled

• Hot mess/disaster

• Feminist

• Dreamer

The words we use to define ourselves matter. A word can be an accurate description of something that has happened in your life (eg divorcee if you are divorced) but it can also be loaded with meaning.

Sometimes that meaning is positive and uplifting. Sometimes though, a label can be mired with negative assumptions and stories.

So first, I’d ask you to consider what labels you use to define yourself.

Then ask yourself the following questions:  

Is this label serving me?

How do I feel about myself with this label?

How would I feel without it?

Seven years ago when my husband passed away, I acquired a new label. Widow.

At thirty-eight years old I couldn’t wrap my head around that word. Nothing about it felt good. Stories of widows are sad.

Don’t misunderstand me, becoming a widow is sad. You’ve lost someone you loved deeply.

But the word widow didn’t serve me at all. So I didn’t identify with it and never used it.

Similarly, Nova’s Dad and I are raising her in partnership but separately. Technically, I can now call myself a single mom. 

But again, that term doesn’t serve me. Yes, it might make others feel a bit sorry for me, or maybe even think more of me. Wow, she’s a single mom. But in the end that term doesn’t empower me.

This is how I choose to define myself today:

I am a woman who has been through a shit ton of hard things. I’ve learned so much about myself through every one of those things. I’m braver. I’m stronger. I’m more resilient. I trust myself. I'm compassionate. I'm generous. I have a love and appreciation for the beauty of life and all its ups and downs. I have a growth mindset. I'm open-minded. I'm a romantic and a dreamer. I'm passionate about supporting other women on the journey to living fully and authentically. I am grateful. I believe in our inter-connectedness. I believe in possibility and expansion and love.

I challenge you to write about yourself without using any of the typical labels. If anything, create labels that affirm who you are and who you want to become. 

• Warrior

• Wild woman

• Earth mother

• Healer

• Goddess
  

You are a beautiful, complicated being. You're as unique as your fingerprints. You have your own experiences lived, wisdom gained, journey to travel. Release any labels that aren't supporting you on the way.

 To define yourself is to limit yourself. Without labels you remain the infinite being.
-Deepak Chopra

With love,

Kena xo